My Haiku

I have not written a haiku since my days of undergraduate studies, but after reading "Breathers, A Zombie Lament", I had a sudden urge to write one, of course inspired by life.

"Dilation Of Wan"

lonely dark abyss
shroud in constricting shadows
endless nothingness


Breathers, A Zombie's Lament

Breathers, A Zombie's Lament
by S. G. Browne

“Breather’s, A Zombie Lament” should not be pigeonholed into a category of zombie novels. It is a dark comedy, but also has the solemn of a classic zombie novel; there is gore, but more importantly there is gore with fierce humor. However, it does not minimize the carnage. I in particularly liked the breather’s recipes and haiku. Just one of the humorous haiku in "Breather's A Zombie Lament":

maggots feast on fat
subcutaneous buffet
sounds like Rice Krispies

(Browne. p.289)

In a philosophical note, Browne has the ability to write about zombies and cannibalism while encapsulating humanity’s salient problem, discrimination. Throughout the book, there is implicit correlation between zombies’ societal treatment and marginalized members of society such as racial discrimination against African Americans. For instance, what are zombies to do if they are not allowed to do everyday recreational activities? How can a zombie get a decent job without a social security number? Later in the book, Browne becomes explicit with an association with Rosa Parks among a few other exemplar figures and situations.

Unlike many novels, “Breather’s, A Zombie Lament” packs a punch ending that rivals classic dramatic endings with the ever so uplifting badinages.

Short Synopsis:

Andy Warner, once a husband and father, has a tragic accident. He wakes up an undead zombie. Andy must acclimatize to a societal position regarded as below human. He is forced to live in the cellar of his parents’ home. His only comfort is group meetings with other fellow zombies; there he finds love, a special elixir, and a new zest for life.

The first chapter for reading is available at S.G. Browne's blog.


A New Banner

For my small audience, I hope you like my new banner. Through the years, I have tried about three different banners none demonstrating my personal style. This banner reflects my eclectic taste. For instance, there is Vincienzo, the shark in a jar of formaldehyde on the right; he is my dead pet shark purchased as a birthday gift last year. To the left, my canopic jar and Buddha head are displayed. Lastly, a marvelous caricature of me adds a personal touch. However, to complete the banner there must be many books, which it indeed contains.

I commissioned an extremely talented artist, A. R. Khan to create this personalized banner, who just happens to be a very close friend. Her work is diverse; she paints exceptional abstract, surrealism, and realism (portraits). She has the ability works with many mediums to create a distinctive piece. Besides traditional painting, she is a seasoned book illustrator. She is an artist for hire with the keen talent for personalizing. You can view more of her work here Arkart.

Above photograph of the real Vincienzo. 


Add A Little Pizzazz To Your Vocabulary

I am nowhere near the vicinity of cool. Trying to be trendy with the latest syntax is not my forte. For instance, I once told my friend “let’s roll with it” in front of her younger cousins, which are going to the New York City Public School of hard knocks. They corrected me rather quickly, and I was very embarrassed. However, occasionally, I will flabbergast myself with a clever, urban, raunchy slang.

Last night chatting with a girlfriend on AIM, I employed the term coochy-cobweb to describe the amount of sexual activity in her life. She is not too far from my inept hip (Do people still use that word to define cool?) vocabulary, so we both had a good laugh. I need to give props to Urban Dictionary. We had hours of fun flipping through Mo’ Urban Dictionary at the local Barnes & Noble and then visiting their website. We even made a compilation of the most hilarious words from A to Z, selecting one word from each letter. Be cool, be hip, be snazzy, check out our list courtesy of Urban Dictionary, and maybe you will apply these words in your daily vocabulary surprising the younger generation with your attune ability to adapt.

AIM rape – The act of messaging someone over and over against their will.

Barfarrhea – Diarrhea while vomiting, Barfarrhea is often caused by food poisoning.

Churched – Kinda like “you got served,” except it’s much better. No one likes the church; when you get churched, you got dissed and nobody likes you.

Double bagger – A woman so ugly that having sex with her is only possible with the use of two bags; one over her head, and a second bag over your own head in case her bag falls off.

Electrosexual – Someone who chooses video games over sex.

Fap – Often used to suggest that something is attractive. The onomatopoeic representation of masturbation.

Gigaholic – A geek who just needs to have the latest and fastest computer. My friends call me this.

Highway salute – An extended middle finger from a fist thrust forth while driving in a gesture of anger towards a person to which it is aimed.

Inbox rot - To neither accept, nor decline a friend request from someone on Facebook or Myspace. Used in situations when you don't want to accept someone's friend request, but you also don't want to be rude by declining them.

Jump the couch - A defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Inspired by Tom Cruise’s behavior on Oprah.

Kraft singles – Dollar bills. Derived from another slang term that refers to money as “cheese.”

L bomb – When someone unexpectedly tells you that they love you. Usually comes out of the blue when you least expect it and are not prepared to respond.

Mad props - A way to say “thank you.”

Naplash – What happens to you when you start nodding off and then you jerk your head back suddenly. It happens a lot when staying on the computer too long. Very dangerous if driving.

Onion booty – Booty that looks so good, it makes a grown man want to cry.

Pop off – To tell someone to fight you or do something, rather than just standing there talking about it.

Qeef – To fart out of the pussy

Retail therapy – Shopping as an outlet for frustration and a reliever of stress.

Sexsuade - To convince someone to agree to, accept, or do something, usually by using the promise of sex (explicit or implicit) or by withholding sex until you get your way.

Thunderwear – Underwear for the extremely obese those who make the earth tremble when they walk. Specifically; thunderbra, thunderthongs, thunderpants.

Uggo - An extremely ugly person. This term is used when you are too lazy to say "extremely ugly person", so, alas, uggo was created.

Voicejail - The loop of options one gets stuck in when trying to navigate voice mail settings.

Whiskey dick - When you've had too much to drink and have a girl back home and cant get it up to perform the deed.

X-Bomb - A completely spontaneous urge to shit that has no "holding" potential. You feel it, and you have literally seconds to find somewhere to put it. The actual shit is usually more gaseous and wet than solid doo-doo, and typically explosive. (The term can be used as both a verb and a noun.)

Youniverse - The entirety of creation that relates to one specific, narcissistic individual. Used to indicate that a particular person has knowledge only of him or herself -- their universe consists only of them.

Zwog - To eat whatever you find under and between the keys on your keyboard.